ORPHAN

I am an orphan. How cruel for someone to say that to me. Dad left in 2o03 and Mom in 2005. Has it really been that long? I told them both it was okay to go. They had done their job well here on earth. The pain is more than I can bear sometimes..alone. But I am never alone. He is here with me always. And the joy of being with Him is overwhelming. I must go thru the valleys to get to the mountains. And the mountain is awesome. If only I can remember that in the valley. And know that YOU are here with me. I turn up the music and get lost in your world. An awesome high...over and over again...thank you..thank you Lord.

Random

Have not been here in a while. Too Painful I guess. Pain is a great thing weither it be physical or mental. Either way you can let it destroy you. But their is one bigger than my pain both physical and mental. He is faithful even when I am not. He did not create me to be a sponge of the world. No, you lied. It does not mean I am not caring or loving. I simply means I know my limits and I know God has no limits on what he can handle. So all I have to do is give it all to Him. In every day, minute or second. Easy? No. You still try to convince me I am not worthy of His love. But I know better. I am not worthy, but He gives it too me anyway. And for that I will serve Him and not you!!!!!

One Year Journey: Isaiah 59-61; 2 Thessalonians 3
October 2005

are you leaving too? 63 “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is of no avail. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. 64 But there are some of you who do not believe.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning who those were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray him.) 65 And he said, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.” 66 After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. 67 So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” 68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, 69 and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” John 6:63-69
Church splits are usually nasty, painful affairs. Most of the time people get hurt or are disappointed. Charges are tossed back and forth like grenades. And people get entrenched in their positions.

It’s been my sad experience to witness a few of these schisms, and I’ve observed that many were driven by people who were just flat-out selfish. There was a refusal to cooperate and to get along with others. People made up some nice-sounding reasons to hit the door and do their own thing. We can make it sound so positive and spiritual, when in reality we simply don’t want to pay the price for unity—demonstrating what it really means to follow Jesus.

Jesus doesn’t call us to a happy, comfortable existence. Following him is not always easy—but it will surely cost us something. As I’ve studied the idea of New Testament discipleship, it’s interesting to note that whenever Jesus called people to another level of commitment the crowd got smaller. People would figure out a reason to step back.

It’s just as true today as it was during the time Jesus walked on earth. We all tend to want a Christianity that will confirm us right where we are. (You know—the kind that makes you feel good and doesn’t require too much from you.) I fight this battle just like everybody else. When Jesus calls me to take another step away from my comfort zone to demonstrate commitment, I’m tempted to rationalize why I don’t need to do it.

Instead, our response should be like the one Peter gave in John 6:68-69. Jesus had asked his disciples if they would take the next step of commitment and stay with him. Or would they bolt with those who didn’t truly believe? Peter spoke on behalf of all of them when he said, in effect, “Lord, we’re not going anywhere. We’re committed to you!” What an illustration of what it means to follow Jesus!

To follow Jesus means paying the price, and that price is incremental. He takes us to deeper levels of commitment and each time there’s a cost. So, when the time comes to do the hard—but right—thing, don’t procrastinate. Take the next step and trust Jesus. —Crawford W. Loritts livingalegacy.org

seeking: Father, what are you calling me to do in light of this teaching? How do I understand true commitment to you?

responding: Am I willing to pay the price to follow Jesus? • How have I been living a life of seeking my own comfort? • How have I been showing my commitment to Jesus?

Heavenly Father, I want to be fully committed to you. Help me not to be selfish but to pay whatever price is required so that I may follow you wholeheartedly.
following: Commitment to Jesus requires that we pay the price.

Pain

so i may know your pain that you went through for me?

so i may bleed for you?

litterally?

or within my soul?

explain?

their pain?

anquish?

wailing?

battles?

of the mind?

of the spirit?

of the soul?

of the flesh?

do not have time?

what the hell is that about?

no, you do not have time!

she is leaving here asshole!

sleep well ....

Missing you

I see some of you.
Do you see me?
Some of you is missing.
I miss you.


Where did you go?
Are you comiing back?
If so, when?
I miss you.

You are not like I remember.
I want you back the way you were.
I miss you.

I should have driven you that day.
But my life was too busy.
I miss you.

I know it is not my fault.
It would have happened anyway.
Would it have been as bad?
Would it had been me?
I am so sorry.
I know now what I have missed.
I miss you mom.
I miss you.

ARISE

Arise, O God, and scatter your enemies. Let those who hate God run for their lives. Drive them off like smoke blown by the wind. Melt them like wax in fire. Let the wicked perish in the presence of God. But let the godly rejoice. Let them be glad in God's presence. Let them be filled with joy. Sing praises to God and to his name! Sing loud praises to him who rides the clouds. His name is the Lord—rejoice in his presence.
Psalm 68:1-4 NLT

Lord, please come.

So much sickness.
So much death of the mind.
So much dying of the body.

Slowly.
Like a flower wilting.

So much pain.
So much anger.
So much confusion.

Eating at me.
Slowly.

I fine it hard that you meant it to be this way.
Where's dad?

Why the suffering?
So we can know how you suffered?

Why the pain?
So we can know the pain you felt?

It is in your hands.
Lord, please come.